Doctors and Meteorologist alike are warning non-Floridians in the South to stay inside as Hurricane Isaias passes over. There is an elevated risk of catching particalized Covid-19 carried on the winds of this tropical storm. Normal hurricane party activities like roof surfing, porch chillin’, storm streaking, ditch wakeboarding, and Colington road car splooshing, are no longer recommended.
“Floridians, much known for their incessant mouth breathing, are able to produce 10 to 20 times the amount of virus droplets as your regular American,” said world renown pathologist, Dr. Faffenferber, “This storm’s path takes it over Miami and Palm beach, so the effects might not be as dramatic. Hypothetically if the storm were to pass over Orlando and the Panhandle, well, the fallout would be catastrophic.”
“I thought the worst part of this storm was it’s stupid name? Why can’t we go back to naming storms like we used to,” local arborist, Jim Notchie, complained, “See what happens when you name storms after immigrant? They carry diseases. They don’t send their best storms.”
“I ain’t worried ‘bout that,” said Kitty Hawk local, Dusty Hills, “I plan on breathing completely through a cigarette. They got filters don’t they? If I just breathe in only through a cig, I’m good. I can skip that mask bullshit. Better luck next time Bill Gates.”
If you need to go out, a cloth mask is not advised. “They will get soaked with the Covidrain,” it’s like getting zombie blood in your eyes or mouth,” said local podiatrist, Carl Carlman, “What you need is some good trash bags or ponchos.”