Kill Devil Hills – There was a packed house at Monday’s meeting of the Kill Devil Hills Board of Wise Masters. On the agenda was a rule that would allow Talisa Westerling to open up a chain of Hirudotherapy Boutiques, otherwise known as “Leech Boutiques”. Leech Boutiques are the latest fad in New Age healing centers. They specialize in using leeches to alleviate medical conditions ranging from blood clots to bad humors. Westerling appeared before the Board to open a new store, “The Beach Leech” next to “R.B.’s Bait and Tackle” in the Dare Centre.
Kevin Federline, the president of the American Association of Leeches, spoke on behalf of Westerling at the meeting.
“They important role leeches play in medicine has almost been lost in time and to insurance companies. Leeches are magical creatures that can drain bad energies in the blood for a very reasonable remuneration.”
Westerling appeared before the board wearing a veil, which she dramatically lifted to show her face covered with leeches. The purpose of the demonstration was to show the harmless nature of leeches, but after Wise Master Fidgett jumped from his seat and screaming “Cthulhu Returns!” then bolted from the building, she replaced the veil.
The stunt worked against Westerling as Wise Master Fidgett was generally perceived as being one of the council members open to Leech Boutiques. In his absence the Wise Masters quickly held a vote and were deadlocked 2-2, meaning the motion to allow leeches on the beach failed to carry.
During public comment, Ramzie Boltin, owner of R.B’s Bait and Tackle, offered to purchase any inventory Westerling had stocked up that she would now not be able to use.