Mob bosses representing several local crime families have expressed extreme displeasure with Governor McCrory’s insistence on continued recounts. With each recount, challenger Roy Cooper’s lead over McCrory has grown, which threatens to upset the over/under for the race.
While normally reticent to talk to the media, The OBX Report was able to convince three of the local Don’s to go on record, as long as everyone understood that anything they said was strictly hypothetically speaking. They, hypothetically, hoped Governor McCrory would receive the message in time to avoid hypothetical unpleasantries.
“So the line up to the election was Cooper +11,000,” said Don Pardo, hypothetical godfather of the Wanchese Fish Mafia. “I think some guys was givin’ 10,500, maybe 10,700, but if I was a gamblin’ man, which I am not, I would say 11 even would be a reasonable line. So after the election, bada bing, Coop wins by a couple thousand votes and we…I mean…hypothetically somebody betting on the race has made some fairly decent money.”
Don Rickles, possibly of the Kill Devil Hills Wings Mafia, said his syndicate of strictly professional beach trinkets stood to lose over seven million dollars in “complicated investment strategies” if the recount total went much higher.
“It would be very bad for business,” he said. “Any consequences from this negativity would be, of course, strictly business.
The soft-spoken head of the Manteo Pirate Mafia, Don Knotts, was much more direct with his hypothetical assessment of the outcome of a recount that eclipsed 11,000 votes.
“I was having a nice afternoon with my grandson fishing the Baum bridge. He caught a really nice striped bass. Not hypothetical at all, this thing weighs twenty pounds at is at least two feet long. We’d really like to have that fish for dinner.”
At this point Don Knotts grew visibly distressed and banged his fist on the table, “But if I have to wrap that fish in the Coastland Times and send it to 200 N. Blount Street to express my considerable dissatisfaction with the direction of these recount proceedings, then my grandson will just have to go to bed hungry!”
“That part, of course,” he added, “would be hypothetical.”